Be With What is: a different way of being with ourselves, through presence and awareness
Updated: Sep 12
Whatever is here is enough to begin
‘Be with what is’ is a phrase that sits at the heart of how I work.
It sounds simple, but being with ourselves isn't always easy.
We are often taught to move away from difficult experiences — to calm ourselves, manage our emotions, think differently or find a way to feel better.
Even practices that encourage us to be present can sometimes feel inaccessible. We might be told to observe our thoughts, focus on our breath or sit with whatever arises.
For some people, this can be deeply helpful.
But what if sitting quietly with what is happening inside you feels impossible?
What if you're overwhelmed, disconnected, restless or simply don't feel anything?
That's okay too.
Being with what is, doesn't have to mean accepting it
For me, be with what is isn't necessarily about accepting everything we find.
You don't have to like it.
You don't have to dislike it.
You don't have to understand it.
You don't have to face it.
You don't have to stay with it.
And you don't have to be able to sit with something for very long.
Maybe you can stay with a sensation for ten seconds before you need to look away.
Maybe you can't stay with it at all.
That's okay.
Maybe what you find feels ugly, uncomfortable, boring or completely insignificant.
That's okay too.
Maybe there is nothing there.
That is information as well.
Whatever is there is good enough to begin with.
The invitation isn't to have a particular experience. It's simply to notice what is actually here.
Seeing is the beginning
This is where be with what is connects so deeply with somatic work.
We begin by noticing.
A sensation.
A tightening.
A feeling.
A movement.
A thought.
A sense of wanting to run away.
A sense of nothing at all.
We don't have to immediately do anything with it.
Because seeing something is different from fixing it.
And sometimes being seen is exactly what was missing in the first place.
Perhaps something happened to us that nobody noticed. Perhaps an emotion wasn't welcomed. Perhaps our fear, anger, sadness or needs weren't understood or given space.
Over time, we can learn not to see those parts of ourselves either.
We disconnect from them.
We minimise them.
We tell ourselves they don't matter.
We become so accustomed to being a certain way that we don't even realise there is something underneath it.
You don't have to stay with it
This is important.
I don't believe that healing requires us to sit indefinitely with whatever comes up.
Sometimes the most therapeutic thing we can do is notice something and then move away from it.
Look around the room.
Change position.
Talk about something else.
Take a breath.
Go for a walk.
Come back another day.
Ten seconds of noticing can be enough.
The next step might come tomorrow.
Or next week.
Or in a few months.
Or perhaps much further down the road.
That's not the point.
The point is that something has been seen.
A different kind of presence and awareness
This is part of what I mean when I talk about reclaiming the idea of presence and awareness.
Being present doesn't have to mean being calm, detached or able to quietly observe everything that is happening inside you.
It can be messy.
It can be brief.
It can involve moving towards something and then moving away again.
It can mean noticing that you don't want to notice.
You are allowed to have a relationship with your experience that isn't acceptance.
Sometimes the most honest thing we can say is:
I see that this is here, and I don't like it.
That's still awareness.
From seeing to healing
We often want to know what comes next.
How do I change this?
How do I heal this?
How do I make it go away?
But healing and integration can take time.
There isn't always a clear or predictable path from noticing something to resolving it.
For me, that's not a problem.
We don't need to know the whole journey to take the first step.
The first step can simply be seeing.
Seeing the thing that perhaps nobody else saw.
Offering ourselves the attention, acknowledgement or understanding that we may not have been offered at the time.
Because sometimes the wound was created, at least in part, through something not being seen, heard or responded to.
And healing can begin when we finally allow ourselves to see it.
Not to judge it.
Not to fix it.
Not even necessarily to stay with it.
Just to let it be known: this is here.
And sometimes, for today, that is enough.
About Tarah
I'm a trauma-informed, somatic therapist supporting people to heal and integrate trauma, reconnect with their body and live with greater ease and authenticity
