Re-traumatisation or Being With the Trauma?
Updated: 7 days ago
Feeling something intensely, doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong
One of the difficult things about trauma healing is learning to recognise the difference between being re-traumatised and being with the trauma.
They can feel remarkably similar.
When we touch into traumatic experiences, memories or sensations, we might suddenly feel overwhelmed. We might feel panic, dread or a strong urge to get away. We might think, This is too much. I'm making myself worse. I need to stop.
And sometimes, that instinct is telling us something important. We may genuinely be going too far, too quickly, or entering something that our nervous system isn't ready to be with yet. We may have encountered something that is retraumatising us, and listening to that instinct matters.
When We Are Experiencing the Trauma Itself
But there is another possibility.
Sometimes, what we are experiencing isn't an additional layer of trauma being created in the present. We are experiencing the trauma itself.
If you think back to the original experience, did it feel overwhelming? Did you feel that it was too much? Did you desperately want to get away? Did you experience panic, fear, helplessness or the sense that you couldn't cope?
If those are the same feelings that are arising now, it may be that you are not necessarily being retraumatised. You may be coming into contact with what was already there.
This distinction can become an important part of the healing journey.
Because one of the things we can gradually learn in trauma therapy is that feeling something intensely does not necessarily mean that something is wrong.
Learning to Be With What Is There
Trauma can feel like too much.
And healing can involve slowly developing the capacity to be with what is uncomfortable without immediately needing to escape from it.
This is not about forcing ourselves to stay with something that feels overwhelming. It is not about pushing through, digging deeper, or proving that we can cope.
It is about building tolerance — much like building a muscle.
A little at a time.
We might touch into something difficult, notice what happens, and then step back. We might find some connection to safety, to the present moment, to our breath, to our surroundings, or to another part of ourselves. And then, when we have enough space, we might return..
Pendulation: Moving Towards and Away
This movement between activation and settling is sometimes described in trauma therapy as pendulation. We move towards something and then away from it.
We don't stay immersed in the difficult material indefinitely. We allow ourselves to come back to resources, connection and the present.
This dipping in and dipping out can be an essential part of allowing our system to process and integrate what is arising.
There is no prize for staying with something for longer than you can manage.
It is okay to take a beat.
It is okay to step away for an afternoon, a few days, or even several weeks or months if you need that space. Sometimes stepping back is exactly what allows us to return with greater capacity later.
Listening to the Part That Wants to Run
At the same time, we might gently become curious about the part of us that wants to completely pull away and run.
Is it telling us that we genuinely need to stop?
Or is it the trauma itself speaking?
Learning to tell the difference isn't always easy. It takes time, and it takes a relationship with ourselves that is compassionate rather than demanding.
And sometimes, honestly, the distinction doesn't matter as much as we think it does. Whether we are being retraumatised or simply coming into contact with something deeply painful, the response can still be the same:
Slow down. Step back. Give yourself space. Allow time to integrate.
There is no need to force your way through trauma in order to heal it. We can learn to approach what is difficult with curiosity, and to step back when we need to.
Over time, with patience and care, we can begin to recognise what our system is telling us — and develop a little more capacity to stay with what is here, without being completely overwhelmed by it.
About Tarah
I'm a trauma-informed, somatic therapist supporting people to heal and integrate trauma, reconnect with their body and live with greater ease and authenticity
